Found.

Jan. 3, 2010.

Being, thinking, feeling. What the fuck does any of it mean? Being, feeling, allowing -- none of it seems to have benefited me any. My feelings are outrageous and may or may not even come from within me. My problem is control -- I'm a bloody control-addict I am and yet my bloody world collapsed when I "let go" fell right the fuck in love and things just got right fucked from there. Control, bloody control is all I got going for me now - seeing things through. Accomplishing something -- that's all I know I want right now -- but before I just wanted to Be - and Be more Connected - connected to our true natures - But. Our natures appear to be maleable. Our psyches (even our perception) seems to be intimately bound to early experiences. We can never perceive anything that doesn't fit into our preciously conceived notions of reality.

Cognitive bloody psychology is freaking the fuck outta me.

Architecture. Architecture? Architecture!

Architecture?

EH?       May aswell - t'will be a pleasant job

Your natural snow light!

...

I accidentally ended up in "business class" on the train from Toronto to Montreal. It's pretty silly -- not something I would ever consciously pay for, but those who do seem to think they should act more civilized, but the only difference is a little leg room and some microwaved TV dinners.

Green tea has more caffeine than black you fools!

Magic plastic frogs.

I wish I were a real writer.

Then I could be in architecturally pleasing situations.

My life : Architecture and psychology.

Write lots of silly books.

Make Canada better and

I'm not very happier.

good at sticking to    Hurrah

what I'm supposed to be writing.

I should write a murder mystery about being on a train in Canada.

No reason to write like that.

FICTION YOU SAY.

Could I possible be a fiction writer.

But I am so tired.

So much caffeine.

Le mush.         Aesthetic

The story of a girl raised and artist in T. who decides to play the game of society and sees how for she can climb the ladder by playing the game.

What would be the conflict.

expected: loses herself in the illusion.

unexpected: doesn't work.

realistic:

la la plastic wealth of the [...?] - upper class.

Zee bourgeoisie .   HA HA 

Ha.

If I write fiction it has got to be Canadian.

PERIOD.

and contemporary.

THIS WORLD IS BIZARRE. 

I could never describe anything that hasn't happened to me and everything that has happened to me is too silly to write about.