Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Montreal in November



I now live in Montreal. Not forever, but for now. It's true, I missed this city. But it takes a lot of conscious effort to remember why.

I tend to take a present moment, and wear as if it would be forever. As such I often freak myself out with the idea of committing to an identity and leave, resulting in my never staying anywhere for longer than 4 months. I suppose within the last 5 years I have stayed in Halifax twice for the term of 8 months, but around the 3rd month I had already planned my escape or dreaded my fixed term, and were it not for a man coming into my life at those times I might have escaped then after all.

I am here for two reasons: for my partner, and for school. But no part of me belongs here. Indeed, everything that this city is, is everything that died in me when I was a teenager. Being here is not only uncomfortable and unfitting, it is a constant throwback to a part of me that already ended with the realization that it was not me. 

There is an energy here, a spirit or a quality of light, that seems to drain colour and life from everything. Even the trees seem unhappy to have landed here, and like me, would rather be somewhere along the tracks that lead to Halifax or Vancouver. 


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